Not much has changed.
Village Idiot (Name changed to protect the stupid): Oh. Is she a nurse?
Me: Uh, no. She's a doctor.
A Soulless Vessel of Self-Aggrandizement
"In 2006, I made a serious error in judgment and conducted myself in a way that was disloyal to my family and to my core beliefs. I recognized my mistake and I told my wife that I had a liaison with another woman, and I asked for her forgiveness. Although I was honest in every painful detail with my family, I did not tell the public.When a supermarket tabloid told a version of the story, I used the fact that the story contained many falsities to deny it. But being 99% honest is no longer enough. I was and am ashamed of my conduct and choices, and I had hoped that it would never become public. With my family, I took responsibility for my actions in 2006 and today I take full responsibility publicly. But that misconduct took place for a short period in 2006. It ended then. I am and have been willing to take any test necessary to establish the fact that I am not the father of any baby, and I am truly hopeful that a test will be done so this fact can be definitively established. I only know that the apparent father has said publicly that he is the father of the baby. I also have not been engaged in any activity of any description that requested, agreed to or supported payments of any kind to the woman or to the apparent father of the baby.It is inadequate to say to the people who believed in me that I am sorry, as it
is inadequate to say to the people who love me that I am sorry. In the course of several campaigns, I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic. If you want to beat me up -- feel free. You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself. I have been stripped bare and will now work with everything I have to help my family and others who need my help. I have given a complete interview on this matter and having done so, will have nothing more to say. "
Okay, John. Let's break this down piece by piece, sound-bite by sound-bite, bullshit excuse by bullshit excuse.
First, let me say, I was a fan. Was. It is hard for me to admit how naive I was. I'm upset on several levels: 1) You cheated on your wife; 2) You cheated on your wife while she was suffering from cancer; 3) You lied; 4) THE ENQUIRER WAS RIGHT! Damn!
Break it down:
- "In 2006, I made a serious error in judgment..." given that your word is not necessarily your bond, now that you're coming clean, any MORE years you'd care to discuss. ..."serious error in judgement?" How about fundamentally flawed in character? Not to mention your understatement here.
- "... conducted myself in a way that was disloyal to my family and to my core beliefs." What, exactly, ARE your core beliefs, John? Because I don't know anymore.
- "I recognized my mistake and I told my wife that I had a liaison with another woman, and I asked for her forgiveness." If she forgave you, she's a better woman than I.
- "But being 99% honest is no longer enough." It never was John. It never was.
- "I was and am ashamed of my conduct and choices..." As you should be.
- "...and I had hoped that it would never become public." Never underestimate the power of sleazy rags.
- "...I am not the father of any baby..." And you never had sex with that woman either.
- "It is inadequate to say to the people who believed in me that I am sorry, as it is inadequate to say to the people who love me that I am sorry." Yeah, but you're just a man. A human. Humans make mistakes.
- "I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic." So you set out to prove you're just an average guy. No one special, with great ideas to help make this country a better place. I thought you were special too. Just not in this way.
- "If you want to beat me up -- feel free. You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself." NOT EVEN CLOSE, BUD! I've talked with a number of people today all of whom are shocked, feeling betrayed, and mourning the loss of a little bit of hope for our future. You'd better be prepared to take a little more beating, because DAMMIT, you deserve it!
- "...will have nothing more to say. " Nope. You've got a lot more you have to say. You cannot say "sorry" enough. Unfortunately there are lots of people out there who use a pretty wide brush with which to paint people. If this in any way tarnishes us, impacts our future, you will have a lot more explaining to do!
Obviously I am angry. Are there any honorable people out there? (I'm well aware that this behavior is not exclusive to men.)
Congratulations, John. You've just been elected the country's top JERK!